Sunday, April 16, 2017

To The One I Loved The Most

"I held on to you with every fiber of my being. No matter what you said, no matter how many times you pushed me away, I refused to let go. I refused to turn the page on to a new chapter. I didn’t want to flip that page because deep down I knew that the second I did, it would all be over. 

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort I felt with you. I wasn’t ready to throw away the pain you were causing me if that meant I had to learn to live a life without you. 

So I held on. As tightly as I possible could. With every inch you pulled away, I pushed forward even harder. I could not even try to grasp what a world without you in it would be like. I refused to figure out how."


But one day  I wish I could finally let go. One day Im not going to live like this anymore.


"I wanted to be free.

from the pain that you were causing me.  
from the one sided relationship you so long dragged me through. 
from the name-calling, the belittling, and the feelings that I was never good enough.

from the fighting. The arguments that would leave me crying until my eyes swell. 
from the lies. I no longer had to wonder what you were telling the truth about.  
from all of the awful things that I tried so hard to desperately hold on to.

I want to be free from the toxicity that our love was. I no longer have to spend days beating myself up over the thoughts of why MY LOVE AND CARE couldn’t be enough."


One day.. I can finally let go of all of the things that were breaking me down piece by piece every single day. 


I really hope that one day will come soon.

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