This is the only day of this year when I remember by default that I have a father. I had.
Since he left, I waited and waited that he'll come back and I'll forgive him no matter how his mistakes seem to be unforgivable. Because I love him and I desperately dreamed to have my family be complete again. But he didn't came back.
I'm well aware that if it's hard for me and my sister, it's even harder for my mom who need to raise us alone. She did all the work to provide our needs, to still be able to send us on private school, made sure that we are well taken care of despite the financial problems we had those times and so on. It's a wonder how mom turned her pains into such great power and I admire her so much for being unbelievably strong. She's our real hero. The three of us survived it all even without a supposed-to-be responsible caring father.
As much as I want to blame dear father for ruining everything, for the princessy life that was suddenly taken away from me and my sister, I know that, still, I owe thanks to father. THANKS to him that I experienced how it feels to be left with nothing -- an empty pocket, a hungry stomach and a brokenheart, to be exact, literally. Thanks that he became an instrument for me to toughen up and be prepared for this life.
Coz maybe if I didn't experienced being poor before, I would not know the true meaning of being rich. I learned how to be strong for myself too so mom won't worry. How to feel okay having only one parent during family events, especially at school. How to get used to it without a father to protect his daughters. How to still feel lucky and blessed because God gave me a mother and father in one person.
I admit, I still feel sad about everything but I'm not waiting for him anymore because the hole in my heart caused by that father has been already filled with my mother's overflowing love. She is more than enough.
Daddy's girl no more.
