Sunday, April 16, 2017

To The One I Loved The Most

"I held on to you with every fiber of my being. No matter what you said, no matter how many times you pushed me away, I refused to let go. I refused to turn the page on to a new chapter. I didn’t want to flip that page because deep down I knew that the second I did, it would all be over. 

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort I felt with you. I wasn’t ready to throw away the pain you were causing me if that meant I had to learn to live a life without you. 

So I held on. As tightly as I possible could. With every inch you pulled away, I pushed forward even harder. I could not even try to grasp what a world without you in it would be like. I refused to figure out how."

But one day  I wish I could finally let go. One day Im not going to live like this anymore.

"I wanted to be free.

from the pain that you were causing me.  
from the one sided relationship you so long dragged me through. 
from the name-calling, the belittling, and the feelings that I was never good enough.

from the fighting. The arguments that would leave me crying until my eyes swell. 
from the lies. I no longer had to wonder what you were telling the truth about.  
from all of the awful things that I tried so hard to desperately hold on to.

I want to be free from the toxicity that our love was. I no longer have to spend days beating myself up over the thoughts of why MY LOVE AND CARE couldn’t be enough."

One day.. I can finally let go of all of the things that were breaking me down piece by piece every single day. 

I really hope that one day will come soon.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

To The Girl That He Cheated On Me With

For your sake, I won't say your name. I know it well, and I cannot get it out of my head. But to you, you who hurt me, you who took away my relationship, you who selfishly thought of only your own happiness, thank you.

We have never met, but I know you must know who I am. I am the woman you saved through the strangest means possible. My boyfriend cheated on me with you. Through social media, you must have known I existed.

You were selfish in every way. You didn’t care that I was completely in love with this man. You didn’t care that I saw a future with him. You didn’t care that we stayed up late nights speaking of our future family.

 I could say congratulations or you win, or even the cliché -- you deserve each other, but I won't. I will say thank you.

I will never understand how you could do it.

You would think I would hate you, because you did to another woman what all women fear most, but I don't hate you. You have done me an incredible service that I did not have the courage to do myself.

Thank you for setting me free. Thank you for saving me a future full of pain and lies. Thank you for showing his true colors through your joint actions. 

 Thank you for giving me a reason to say goodbye to the biggest blockade I have ever faced. Thank you for opening my future up again.

Thank you for taking the blame, for giving me a reason to leave, to give me a reason to start over.

Thank you for reminding me that I am worth so much more than lies and deception, that I don't have to take the emotional abuse and trauma of this experience lying down.

 Thank you for showing me that there are better ways to spend my time and my tears.

Thank you for giving me a chance to find the love I truly deserve.

 Thank you for bringing me to my knees, for reminding me of what pain feels like, for without pain we cannot understand the beauty of healing.

I don't hate you. I thank you.

I wish you the best. I wish you nothing more but happiness.

                                                                                                                                   Most sincerely,

Saturday, March 11, 2017


"And while you and the rest of your kind are battling together — year after year — for this special privilege of being 'bored to death,' the 'real girl' that you're asking about, the marvelous girl, the girl with the big, beautiful, unspoken thoughts in her head, the girl with the big, brave, undone deeds in her heart, the girl that stories are made of, the girl whom you call 'improbable' — is moping off alone in some dark, cold corner — or sitting forlornly partnerless against the bleak wall of the ballroom—or hiding shyly up in the dressing-room

— waiting to be discovered..and loved."