Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentine Special: That Feeling Called LOVE

You're my CAT. I know you like dogs. But for me, you're my forever cat.

Since it's Valentines' Day, I guess it would be perfect to write something about love. Not quite okay yet I'm a bit glad that I'm able to sort my thoughts at this time.

So there goes Love. Everyone else wants to have it. Everybody needs it. And they even say it's one thing they can't live without.

But are you even ready to accept it and vow to keep it burning real for longer period of time? Or you're just after the convenience of having someone in your life? 
Are you willing to sacrifice everything? Or you'll just run away quickly from the responsibility? 
Why get attached when it will all ends up in detachment and loss?

Oftentimes, love is a misused word that it loses it's significance. 
What's love anyway?

 "Once Love is defined, it is confined. Once confined, it DIES." 
A lot of people try to define love, as much as I want to find the real meaning in it. I'm quite aware that words aren't enough for love to be defined. Yet, i'll still give it a try to put my feelings into words.

It's a common thing to ask, "Why do you love me?" And I guess the common answers would always be based on the physical appearance, the traits, habits and whatsoever you may want to include. We can't really say anything other than that. Though it's quite more safe to say, "It's what I'm feeling." Yes, it's the sweetest feeling when you hear/know the reasons why that certain person loves you. But the fact is, when you always look for reasons or ask them to define the love they had for you, it's like you're forcing them to find reasons to unlove you in the end. Because, once all of the reasons are gone or it has changed in time, love will fade and will be forever gone. It's like the feeling of waking up one day and asking yourself why you ever had loved that person. It's horrible, isn't it?

So the next time you ask someone why they love you, just be happy when they say, "Because I do.." or probably, don't ask at all, just feel it in your heart.

You're in love when you can't explain how you feel. 
You're out of love when you have all the reasons why you don't anymore. 


 "Convenience and Comfort kills Love." 
It was hard to take at first, but then after a while I saw and felt the deeper meaning in it. Love is not always being happy and comfortable all the time, it's more of the inconvenience and discomforts encountered along the way yet still remain happy and contented with each other. Love, it's a form of sacrifice and enduring the pain of every hardship in this world.

Furthermore, look back the time our parents (relatives or whoever) took care of us when we were still a baby. They don't mind staying up awake all night just to watch over us sleeping so mosquitoes won't bite us. No matter how tired and sleepy they may be, they give us milk when we cry in the middle of the night, gently carrying us around their arms as they hum a lullaby. Then we grow up, and still, they take care of us. They get mad a lot of times when we had done something wrong and they get heartbroken when we get sick or get hurted in any way. They tuck us to bed and make sure we get a good sleep. They prepare our meals. They provide whatever we need and even the pleasures we want. They work hard. They even still stay late awake waiting for us to come home from school, from work or from wherever we had been. They're happy enough just to see us happy. And though some parents may not say the word "I Love You" all the time, but in every thing they had done, it's more than too obvious that they really do love us despite of the inconvenience and discomfort of everything.

If you seek love, I mean, real love, one must be ready to be selfless and wholeheartedly accept the pain, inconvenience and discomforts that it would bring.

Acts of love, never to be defined at all, 
only to be appreciated and felt with the heart.


 "Love comes in two ways - Attachment and Detachment" 
Attachment is quite good to hear yet detachment is a bit confusing and heartbreaking to perceive. You may ask, where's love in detachment when detaching means leaving and being disengaged with anything or someone close to your heart? Actually, I had that same question in my mind that I'm trying to find the answer myself.

Attachment to Love

Attachment is having strong feelings of affection for someone and a connection that binds two people across time and space. Though, some attachment are not reciprocated and is not being shared.

I suppose this happens in all kinds of relationship. Attachment, for me, is when we stay very close with someone and at the same time have that certain fear of the unknown and that both may lose each other in the end. Yet this fear is the same thing that shove us to get attached even more. Still wanting to holding on to it and hoping it would last. It's like being responsible for the happiness of the other or mostly, it can be both. Finding someone who truly understands and accepts you leads to instant closeness and a blooming attraction. Especially when you've been in a situation where all you needed was someone to be there, you'd be weak enough to resist the desire of it.

Attachment, like a camera zoomed on focus, the picture becomes all too blurry when it's too close than it should be. There goes the feeling of being too clingy that somehow it manifest being jealous at times and controlling each situation that may not be favorable for the person attached. Hence, attachment gives power to emotional dependency causing a person to be reliant and fully enmeshed with their partner. Sometimes, we all get too selfish and demanding, wanting to benefit too much of it. Failing to see that grasping and putting too much pressure burns down the love that blooms in the attraction therein. However, it does not claim to be that the proximity of someone is somewhat dangerous. I guess it just needs proper balance and more selfless love in it.

How do you know when the attachment began to form into love? I believe that is when you feel pain. When you get affected and hurt even with the smallest gestures and ways of the other person. When you become too close that you can't simply imagine life without that certain person. When you began to become too clingy and manipulative in such things. When you feel tormented that it might not work out and the fear of losing is stronger than ever.

Indeed, it is a wonderful feeling to be intertwined with someone and that eventually you two might fall deeply in love. Who doesn't want it anyway..right? Just that, in some cases, when feelings like love are revealed out in shadows of deep attachment, sometimes it is painfully not reciprocated.

Love in Detachment

Detachment, as described is the form of disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people. It is developing an emotional distance from someone whom you have given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life. Detachment means letting go and non-attachment means simply letting be.

Looking into the bright side,  the word itself may sound very callous but then it isn't as harsh as it seems. Detachment, for me, is simply the willingness to back away and just accept the realities in life that are out of control and can't be changed. It is somewhat an emotional shield to protect someone from experiencing severe pain in the next few hours of his/her existence. Also, it is to prevent not to be emotionally ravaged from being overly dependent and attached with certain people in our life. That in the end, we might hopefully regain the sense of autonomy and independence that had been lost in us because of the irrational point of entanglement.  It is a freedom and wide space given to one or two individuals to act themselves and to obviate hovering in the shadow of each other.

People walk in our lives just like others have to walk out of it. Why is that? Why can't we keep the ones we truly love? No matter how we wanted to, we just can't. Some things are just out of our control. Just like the feeling we have over these circumstances - the grief we had when a loved one dies, the painful rejection when the person you liked dumped you, the misery when your partner suddenly broke up with you, the bitterness when someone replaced you, the confusion when someone close to you become distant, the sorrow in every goodbye and separation. When any of that happen, no matter how deep the emotions are or how strong the attachment may be, you simply have to detach a part of yourself from them. Detach if you have to. Sometimes it's the least you can do to save yourself from falling apart. Yes, it's tormenting pain to gain and lose at the end but we need to understand that some things can never be just like some people can't stay in our life. There are some lessons in this life that we can only learn in the hardest way.

I guess that's always a part of loving people. Sometimes you have to let go. Yet letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about them anymore. It's just that it happens that you've come to a bitter realization that the only person you have control over is yourself, and not the people around you, nor the person you love the most. There are these issues in life that are so damn hard yet you need to compromise to give up in order to gain something greater or because it's the only choice left for you to take. Whatever it is, it's undeniable that we all have reasons for our own actions, whether be it for our own good or for the good of the other.

People come and go. We can never really ask anyone to stay, no matter how we beg them not to. But when someone is etched in your heart, they're never truly gone. They will surely be there for a long time. Though chances are, they may come back to you, even at unlikely times.  I firmly believe that the only the ones who are meant to be in our lives are the ones who are meant to stay there no matter what. Yet still, we can't change the fact that once they leave us, they take a part of ourselves we can't effin' take back.  

To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever.


That Feeling Called Love
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Love, known to be an intense feeling of deep affection. It is a certain emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. A feeling that exist between family members, friends and couples. It's simply like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it.

To love is to be vulnerable. To let them be happy all the time, to wish them well, to refrain from expecting anything in return and to set them free if needed to.  Love happens when there is intimacy, understanding, contentment and acceptance despite the flaws and differences of one another. To love is to let the people we love to be themselves and not to twist or change them to fit the image we want to see in them. To love is to accept the other person just the way they are and the way they are not. True, you don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not and with that imperfections, it makes the love more stronger and the relationship worthwhile.

Moreover, loving someone is giving a piece of yourself even when they didn't ask for it. It is being together in good times and most especially during the bad times. It is being honest, faithful, always telling the truth and never pretending. Love doesn't have to be selfish - it is to have the freedom to pursue your own plans and desires in life while sharing your experiences and growing together with the other person. Love doesn't turn you into a lesser person rather it naturally brings out the best in you.

Real love is unconditional. It's like a sandwich with the yummy spread of compassion and devotion.  It is to love when things are going your way and even when things are not going the way you expected it to be. And to some point that when the one you love shove you, make an effort to move a little bit closer. Love is loving the person more than your pride.

 Love is not self-absorbed, but allows us to extend to others without feeling drained.


Each individual have their own views when it comes to love and I guess whatever I had written is just a small slice of what love really is.. for me. Some may agree and disagree, that's fine. The only sure thing about love is, it makes the world go 'round and gives everyone all the happiness through that feeling called love.

And maybe it's clearer, even you like dogs, to me, You'll always be a CAT.

 (CAT - "Caw Ang Truelove ko" derived from a pal, it's coooorny but it's sweet.)

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